Whiskey’s Ranch Horse Tips for Hot Weather

19 Jun

Now that the hot time’s upon us again, I figured I’d share some of my own best ranch horse tips for stayin cool in the heat. I started to say these tips over at my Facebook Ranch, then I realized they’d make a right nice horse-blog for killin time durin the hot time. So, with no more further ado, this here is Whiskey’s best tips for dealin with bein hot on the County Island.

  • Scratch your butt on a warm cement wall. Go on now, try it.
  • Stand in the shade with your head over the water trough. If you kick the trough hard enough, you can get it to splash water on your hooves, and that feels nice, too.
  • Lie flat out in the sand like the rabbits do to cool off. Y’all know what a flat rabbit looks like in the desert heat, don’tcha? Or I reckon you can imagine. Or go try it for yourself. Be the flat rabbit.
  • When your belly hair sets to feelin sticky and prickly, find yourself some desert broom or mesquite brush of an appropriate height, and walk along it with your belly over it to scratch what itches ya. This can work for your other parts, too. Yeah, I got a lot of tips that involve scratchin.
  • At bucket time, even when the desert wind’s blowin hotter than a brandin iron fresh from the fire, jump around! It’s still bucket time.
  • Stick your whole entire head, up to your eyeballs, in the water trough. Blow bubbles at the flies. And remember to come up for air.
  • Scratch your neck and your mane along the palo verde branches. It feels good when the spikey little branches yank on your mane hair, too, and pullin mane hair out of the trees gives the bucket gal somethin to do when it’s too hot for her to ride ya.
  • Bang your empty bucket against the fence to make a little breeze. And to let the bucket gal know how entirely empty your bucket is.
  • After you find yourself showered by the hose or bathed with sham poo, get down in the sand and roll and then roll some more. Work that scratchy sand into all your parts. Nothin feels as good as cool wet muddy sand scratchin on a horse that’s been bathed.
  • Eat all your “electric-lights” that the bucket gal adds to your mushified bucket. Electric-lights have got a funny name, and a sweet apple taste that a horse probably shouldn’t trust, but they keep a horse hydrated, which is a fancy way of sayin full of water, and piss, both of which are important for a horse, especially in the hot time.
  • Back your butt up to a palo verde trunk and park yourself in the shade for a spell. It feels good havin your butt in the shade and your nose in the sun.
  • When there ain’t nothin else interestin to do, you can still make faces at Coors and Coors Light. That’s always good in any weather.
  • When the bucket gal comes out of the people-barn to yell at you to stop bangin your empty bucket against the fence, whinny loud and clear so it sounds like you’re sayin this: “MAH BUKKIT! IT HAZ AN EMPTEH!” The people like it when us animals talk ridiculous. I don’t know why.

Posted by on June 19, 2012 in Uncategorized


7 responses to “Whiskey’s Ranch Horse Tips for Hot Weather

  1. karla

    June 19, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Has all your winter duck fuzz finally shed out?

  2. Whiskey Ranch-Horse

    June 19, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    Howdy, Miss Karla. I’ve shedded all but for one patch along my belly. That fuzz I intend to keep this year, seems like.

  3. Whiskey Ranch-Horse

    June 19, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    p.s. I ain’t a duck. I’m a horse. I don’t mean to be rude, but sometimes seems like a horse has got to state the obvious here on the County Island.

  4. karla

    June 19, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    I stand corrected. “Duck-like” fuzz.

  5. hynekart

    June 19, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    I hope you retained your whiskers. Nothing tickles the bottom of a feed bucket like horse whiskers. Ducks don’t have whiskers.

  6. Whiskey Ranch-Horse

    June 19, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    You can sit if you like, Miss Karla.

    Mister…? Miss? Hynekart? Are you a bovine? Anyhow, yes, I still got all my whiskers intact. As for the ducks, good to know, I reckon. But I don’t know that a horse ever needs to call on that much knowledge about ducks.


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