I don’t know why people are so fascinated with my ranch brands. I mean, I got ‘em when I was still a young’un, just like all the other foals on the ranch. So they ain’t nothin special. Every horse had at least a brand or two on their hip, rump, shoulder, neck or sometimes even their cheek. They kinda stung at first, and then they kinda itched for a while until my hair grew back around ‘em, and now I wouldn’t even remember I got ‘em, except sometimes I hear my gal pointin and fussin at ‘em and askin other people questions about what they “mean” and where they think they might be “from.” Well, they’re from the ranch. I would think that would be obvious.
What they “mean,” as best I can tell, is that I’ve worked hard for a livin most of my life, because pleasure horses that was born to be pleasure horses generally ain’t got one brand much less two like I do. Original Coors and Coors Light, for example, do not have brands. Like Original Coors would say in his California accent, “As if.”
But some horses, called “warm bloods,” I think because their temperaments and dispositions do tend to run warmer and hotter, meaning a lot less predictable, than those of us reliable, well-broke horses, do have brands even though they ain’t never done an honest day’s work.
Moo, the Holstein Horse who I met when I first became a pleasure horse, was a “warm blood” who had a big, fancy ranch brand on his hip. Now, I know his people told him he was a Holstein by way of makin fun of him, because he was about as stubborn and thick in the head as a Holstein cow as far I could tell, not to mention big and fat like a cow, which was why I set to callin him Moo. Only he claimed his brand wasn’t a brand from a ranch, but instead somethin called a “registry” which he claimed was hard to get into and kinda exclusive.
As if, Moo. Call it whatcha want, it’s still a ranch brand and it still don’t make you special. Moo further said sometimes very expensive warm blood horses had two brands, which meant they belonged to two exclusive registries.
Well, you know what, I got two brands, too: what my gal calls my ranch brand, and my number brand. So there again, that ain’t no big deal, Moo.
And Moo added that these brands sometimes meant a horse was “imported” from somethin called another “country,” which made a horse with warm blood even more special and worth a lot more money. Well, along those lines, I’ve heard my gal tell people I’m priceless.
So, now I had learned a fancy name for what kinda horse I am, other than “palomino horse” or “good horse.” After all, I was imported from the ranch to the County Island, wasn’t I? And I know from when I’ve accidentally cut myself before that I got warm blood, too. So I told Moo I guessed that made me an expensive (priceless, even) double-branded, imported warm blood.
When Moo set to laughin at that, I turned around and branded his big cow butt with my teeth.